When Communication Becomes Silence
I study communication for a living. I read research, write essays, and think about the ways people send messages without ever saying a word. But what I didn’t expect was how often that knowledge would collide with my own life, the messy and unfiltered parts where theory and reality blur.
Recently, I found myself on the outside of a decision that directly affected me. Everyone else knew. Everyone else agreed. And me? I was left with nothing but silence.
On paper, it doesn’t sound like much: a missed conversation, an overlooked update. In practice, it was a punch to the gut. Because this wasn’t just about one decision. This has actually been a recurring theme. Conversations have happened without me, I wasn’t even told they were taking place, and later I would find out after everything was decided. Each time, my voice was taken from me before I even had a chance to use it.
And the irony? I have dedicated myself to understanding communication, the art of connection. Yet in those moments, I feel voiceless.
The Nonverbal Message of Exclusion
What struck me most was not what was said, but what wasn’t. The lack of eye contact when plans came up in passing. The sudden pause in conversation when I walked into the room. The way people’s shoulders shifted ever so slightly, closing a circle that I wasn’t invited into.
Nonverbal communication, as I have learned in my studies, often carries more weight than words. Our textbooks puts it bluntly: people may forget what was said, but they remember how they felt when it was said, or when nothing was said at all.
That is exactly what has happened in this instance. My exclusion is not written down or spoken aloud. It is felt. It lives in the silences, the body language, the timing.
The Push & Pull of Belonging
In my coursework, I’ve studied Relational Dialectics Theory, which explains that relationships are shaped by ongoing tensions that never fully disappear. We are constantly moving between connection and autonomy, openness and privacy, inclusion and exclusion.
What I’ve experienced is that tension of inclusion versus exclusion. I want to belong, to be part of the circle, but the reality has often placed me outside of it. And when I am left out of decisions or conversations, that dialectical struggle becomes painfully clear.
Identity & the Groups We Belong To
Another lens that has helped me is Social Identity Theory, which looks at how much of our self-worth is tied to the groups we belong to. When we feel included, it reinforces our sense of identity. When we are excluded, it shakes our belonging and even our confidence.
That is exactly how these moments of silence and exclusion feel. They don’t just affect the decision at hand. They signal something much deeper about whether I am considered part of the group at all.
What I Am Learning
Here is what I know from both study and experience:
Exclusion communicates as loudly as inclusion. Silence, pauses, and nonverbal cues can speak louder than words.
Coping requires acknowledgment. Pretending it didn’t hurt will not make it go away.
Belonging is complex. Sometimes it is not about fitting in but about finding where your voice matters.
I often speak up and confront things in kind but direct ways, yet I am still met with blank stares or “huh, what are you talking about?” What I can do, and what I keep choosing to do, is reflect. I ask myself why it stings the way it does, what it brings up from the past, and how I might use that awareness to improve, to grow, and to keep seeking genuine connection.
Because communication is not just about what is said between people. It is also about the conversations we have with ourselves when we are trying to make sense of what was left unsaid.
Why This Matters for Solo-preneurs
What I am learning in my personal life mirrors what so many solopreneurs face in business. You might pour energy into your work and still feel unheard. You might be left out of collaborations, passed over in conversations, or met with silence online. It stings because exclusion does more than block opportunity. It chips away at belonging and identity.
The challenge, and the invitation, is to reflect on those moments instead of letting them define us. When we recognize the tension between inclusion and exclusion, and when we understand how identity is tied to the groups we belong to, we gain clarity. We can use that clarity to grow, to communicate more intentionally, and to keep creating spaces where our voices matter.
TL;DR: Being left out of conversations is more than a missed update. It reopens questions of belonging and identity. Through communication theory and reflection, I’m learning to understand why it hurts and how to grow from it, a reminder solopreneurs also need to find spaces where their voices matter.