Checklist

Reality check before a big talk

A quick pre conversation checklist so you know your goal, timing, and nervous system are solid before you bring up something hard.

Conversation planning Regulation Strategic timing

Save this page for the next hard conversation

Bookmark it. Send it to yourself. Use it right before you speak.

✓ Start the checklist ✦ Explore scripts

Use it like a 3 step flow

Decide the outcome, settle your system, then choose timing that reduces threat.

Step 1: Outcome

What do you want this conversation to change, not just what do you want to say.

Step 2: Regulation

Get your body out of threat mode so your brain can speak cleanly.

Step 3: Timing

Pick a moment where both people can hear, not just react.

The reality check checklist

Timeline on the left. A steadying panel that stays with you on the right.

1

What is my real goal?

Finish this sentence: "If this conversation goes well, the outcome I am hoping for is ___."

Reality check If your goal is emotional release, pause. If your goal is clarity and change, proceed.
2

Connection or correction?

Pick one primary purpose so the other person does not feel cornered.

3

Is my body in threat mode?

Check your body, not your thoughts. Are you shaky, tight, wired, or rushing.

Quick reset Exhale longer than you inhale for 5 slow breaths. This helps bring reasoning back online.
4

Can I tolerate their response?

If they disagree, go quiet, or get emotional, can you stay steady and not over explain.

5

Is the timing strategic?

Avoid exhaustion, conflict, public settings, and rushed transitions. Ask for a time when both nervous systems have bandwidth.

6

One sentence version

Say it in one sentence first: "The main thing I want to say is ___." Then stop.

Why this works

Two principles. Easy to remember. Built for real life pressure.

Your brain follows your body

When your nervous system reads danger, your brain shifts into survival mode. That is when you forget your point, escalate, or defend. Slowing your breath and clarifying your goal helps bring reasoning and language back online.

Timing reduces threat

People do not hear nuance when they feel cornered. Strategic timing lowers defensiveness before the first sentence. Choosing the moment is not being dramatic. It is being effective.